Modern Family, Season 2 Episode 1, Season Premiere

Funniest show on the air and the season premiere was a perfect example of that.
I'm not gonna give you a recap since you should just watch the entire first season 'cause it's just that good.
Instead, here are a few of the many many hilarious zingers from the season opener:

Phil, the realtor: "You know what? You can insult a lot of things about me, my hair, my voice, my balance board exercises, but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh you don't see it? That's cause I just sold it."

Every single line about Mitchell's home-improvement skills:
Cam: "If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person."
Jay, about building a bookshelf with Mitchell: "That was my Vietnam... and I was in Vietnam."

Luke, on finding an old pic of his parents: "Mom, what was this from?"
Claire: "Oh, that's the year your Dad and I went to the Rose Bowl."
Phil: "That was an incredible game."
Luke: "Mom, you look really pretty ... So what happened?"
Phil: "Well Luke, everyone gets older. Just 'cause parts of your mom aren't what they used to be it doesn't m--"
Luke: "I mean, what happened in the game?"

Claire, about her children: "Look at them. Come on. A minute ago, they were babies. And now they're driving. And soon we'll all be dead."
Phil: "Woah! You're leaving out a few great minutes there. Retirement. Old age. Cool chair that goes up the stairs."

Phil, about selling a car: "The art of the sale is all about what you leave out. '83 classic wagon ... tough to find parts. They don't make 'em like this anymore ... for legal reason. Enjoyed for many years by one happy family ... of raccoons."